As the winner of the 2018 Kentucky Derby, Aging Gracefully encompasses the old saying, “You’re as young as you feel!” Or in her case, “You’re as young to the degree the appropriate muscle fibers still twitch!” Though astounding, her Derby performance seems to have been merely a façade of youth. Preakness preparation has been a bit dicey. Trainer, Stem C. Ell, expresses sincerest gratitude to sponsors, Igloo, providing him an endless supply of ice to fill boots. Old age and stress has caused significant inflammation in Aging Gracefully’s musculature. Clearly, this means cytokines have gone batty with tumor necrosis factor-α and interleukin-1β using their necroding and interleuking tactics to haggle with normal satellite cell functions. Ell heartbrokenly admits he is relying on experience, ice, and Aging Gracefully’s heart to pull a win sparing fans the shock Luke Skywalker experienced when he found out his relation to Darth Vader. Truthfully, Ell admits, “Aging Gracefully, you should be a mother”. She could leave a legacy of babies slow twitching their way towards wins!