This poor filly cannot seem to catch a break after her jaunt across the infield in the Derby. People wonder if it was forced removal from the track by methane explosion or perhaps a cover up for attempting to binge a few Mint Juleps? Trainer Alex C.T. Horton claims her ACTH levels were perfection, but her unorthodox sporadic running style spoke for itself. Weeks leading up to the Preakness have been a combination of constant blood draws and hormone injections to rebalance cortisol production. After intensive evaluation and Department of Homeland Security flagging Horton’s Amazon account for excessive needle purchases, he boasts HyperLoop is normal and free of any cortisol-related health disorders. When questioned if she has learned to run in a straight line, Horton denies comment claiming horses are creatures of habit hard to break. He is confident her eccentric personality along with a few sugar cubes can produce a win.